I Needed This... Ragnar DC - Ultra
Hello friends! I am coming down off my high. My feet are pretty much back on the ground! It has been an adventurous week and a half.
Matt flew my mom out as a surprise, to go with the other surprise, that was taking me to CA with him on his business trip! I'll tell you all about it. I was able to cross off a '40 things' because of it! It was amazing and fabulous.
Then I came home for a day, then left to go run Ragnar DC - Ultra. Which was also fabulous.
My mom left yesterday, it was so sad to see her go. Today I feel like I'm back to life, which includes much catch up, since I've been checked out for the past week.
I will post about this Ragnar in full, but for today, I just want to write that I DID IT!!! It is finished. Done! I was anxious about this experience, but I needed this experience.
Two weeks out from this Ultra I wanted to do a full 40 miles back to back days. Monday I ran my 20, all was well. Tuesday I was slammed with heat and humidity and a ton of self doubt. I still ran 3 times, but only went 14 miles, and they all sucked!
That day was a tough day. I cried that day. I felt like giving up, like there was NO way I'd be able to do this Ragnar. I hated that I said I would do it, I felt afraid of the miles and the hills ahead, I cried because I felt so weak and incapable. I wondered if this would be yet another experience where I'd not be able to overcome my own mind. This cloud of self doubt has been hovering over me since even before Boston!
As we runners do, I kept at it, kept running my week. I looked for peace in a good night's rest and the fact that I have run a lot! I did get 2 18 mile days in at some point, during some week! I have been training for this. I have been running more mileage than I do for marathon training. I tried to ease my anxiety with the fact that I'd be able to rest between my legs. I would need to be smart to recover after each.
The week before Ragnar was so good. I got to run in CA, which was refreshing both physically and mentally. I took it easy, my mind was occupied and I felt better. Physically I backed off, but I ran some serious hills in CA! It is dang hilly! That was also good for me mentally, to reassure myself that I can run up hills, and keep running! :)
I just want to give you an idea of where I was mentally, because, if you can see that you can then appreciate why I needed this.
I ran this course. I totally overcame this course. I kicked tail. I felt strong and I ran really well.
It was hard! My muscles ached, I felt sick in the middle of the night, I was hungry, I was tired, but I kept going. I kept pushing up those hills, I kept cruising down the other side. I kept pushing, I kept going and not once did it even phase me to stop, or to quit. Not once did I doubt that I could do this.
That is the demon I have been battling, that is the devil on my shoulder, that has been my weakness for like this whole past year!
I felt like this was some of my best running! Not because I kept great pace, which we know is important to me :), but because I didn't even think of quitting. I did not stop! I overcame my body, my mind was in charge! I needed this!
I know not all experiences/races are like this, believe me! But I needed this for me, to boost me, reassure me, reset me, give me back some confidence, some high. Running is very personal and we are all in different places at different times. I needed this success, for me, and I'm gonna tell you it feels really good!
I will tell you all about our racing adventures, these fabulous people who make me happy, the laughter, the not so funny, the craziness that comes from running miles and miles together, what our course looked like etc., so stay tuned!
Thank you running, I think I still love you and may not break up with you after all!