FINISH Is The Name of My Game
A couple of weeks ago I posted this photo on IG. You may see the 20 miles and the 8:12 pace average. I see that too, but what I kept looking at during that run were those words 'finish'!
I talked to my bestie after this run. She reminded me that all you see, those who follow along, are these completed runs! I'm so happy when I get to post them!
But what you don't see is the mental struggle that is oh so real at times. What you haven't seen is the battle between the start and the finish. You haven't seen the times that I want to give up! Sometimes there is no struggle, and the running is good. Sometimes it's all I can do to finish! I just want to be done and move on with my day!
So, I'm sorry if you think this is all easy! I'm sorry that I have put that misconception out there!
I feel like I started my season strong. It really has been a good season. I've picked up strength and short distance speed. Even my first 18 miler was awesome! There is something about that first 20 miler... it's all mental! It's just 2 more miles than that strong run I had, but those 2 additional miles weigh heavy. THEN, if it doesn't go well, the doubt sets in...
This training season the anxiety and mental weakness ran right over my training a couple of times. In particular a couple of times that I set out for my 20 milers. In fact a few days before this run I headed out for my 20 miler and stopped at 10. Gave up, quit, my body felt fine, but I just didn't want to finish! And, I thought I may just do the half marathon! Why do I keep signing up for marathons!!! Well actually at that point I hadn't even signed up for the race yet!
So, I've been training without the full commitment! It was time to make a choice. I was so afraid to hit that register button! I about had a panic attack.
What if I quit? What if I can't finish? What if I really can't do this? Doubt. I have let that one experience, that DNF really sink in and change my thinking.
The great thing about our minds is we have power to change them. Whatever thoughts we feed, will continue to grow.
I hit register and finally signed up for the Buffalo Marathon. I have made a choice! I will run this marathon and I will finish! (I would've liked to have done one more 20+ run, but I will be fine.)
This run was important for me. I just wanted to finish what I started! I needed to get my head right!
I don't know why I do this to myself!!! Of course I can do this!
I have done it many times. I am prepared. I can do this.
I went to my kids assembly and the word they are focusing on this month is 'determination'. I felt a little pang, and a sting in my eye as they reminded us all of the definition. It was fitting for me to hear, and to remember that I am, indeed a determined soul. Sometimes I forget!
This week, as I rest up for race day I am practicing my mental strengthening. Positive, empowered thinking. The reality that this will indeed be hard, it will hurt at the end and I may even want to quit, BUT I can do hard things. It's important to finish what I start.